Mayberry quote of the Moment:
BARNEY: You know, a few years back a similar thing happened to me.
ANDY:   Yeah?
BARN:   Maybe I never told you about it.  The girls name was Halcyon Loretta 
        Winslow.
ANDY:   Pretty name.
BARN:   Ugliest girl you ever saw in your life.  What happened was her father got it in 
        his head that I should marry Halcyon.  You know, he saw my picture in the 
        paper.  You remember when I won that church raffle--four free haircuts?
ANDY:   Oh, yeah.  Picture's all over the front page.
BARN:   You know how that affects people.  The go crazy. Right away, he saw civil 
        servant, security.  Right?  Then he saw unmarried, and at the time I was only 
        three-oh.
ANDY:   Thirty.
BARN:   Right.  He saw in me an untapped source of lifetime happiness for his ugly 
        daughter.  So, needless to say they got my phone number from the barber 
        and the rest is history
ANDY:   I don't believe I ever heard of it.
BARN:   You didn't?  Well I'll tell ya', it's like a tale outta two cities.
        First, I only saw the old man for about a week.  He made me a 
        tempting offer:  third interest in a prune-pitting operation.
ANDY:   There's a lot of money in that.
BARN:   Well, you gotta like it.  Full use of the company car, an interest
        in the family home, and a beautiful hillside plot in the 
        Mt. Pilot cemetery.
ANDY:   That burial plot alone is worth a fortune.
BARN:   You know me.  When opportunity knocks, ol' Barn's got to at least take a 
        peek and see if there's anybody on the stoop.  Anyway, the old man made a 
        date for all of us to meet down at Klein's Coffeehouse for American cheese 
        and garni.
ANDY:   Yeah. You finally met her, huh?
BARN:   Oh boy.
ANDY:   Not to pretty?
BARN:   Beasto maristo.  I'll tell ya', that cheese sandwich stuck right there for about 
        three days.
ANDY:   How'd you finally get off the hook?
BARN:   Well, first of all, I paid for my own cheese sandwich.
ANDY:   Wipe out any obligations.
BARN:   Right.  Then I took the old man to one side and I told him straight out, N-O, 
        a flat no dice.......But he kept after me, letters phone calls, driving that 
        company car by all shiny and new.  But I held my ground.  Pretty soon he got 
        the idea, and that was the end of it.
ANDY:   Whatever happened to Halcyon?
BARN:   Well, you know she went east to one of them schools where they trim you 
        down, clear your skin, make you walk around with a book on your head.
ANDY:   Don't tell me she turned out to be beautiful?
BARN:   No.  She's still ugly, single, and pitting prunes.


Quotes transcribed by the members of the
Who's Been Messin' Up the Bulletin Board? Chapter.
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