March 27, 2011 - Msg 83162: Good morning, Porchsters. Still cold on end of the ol' porch! Brrr...this stinks.

Hope you are all having a great Sunday!

Ro - Good grief, get you some shut eye!

Boo - Man, sakes alive! I sure wish you coulda sent some leftovers my way! That sounds like some mighty fine eatin'! Sure sorry I missed out on it!

Ok, breakfast is about ready. Have a good one!

John Masters

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83163:'ll all haveta go to the last page to see Boo's beginning to the new TAGS story. My entry follows it.

A nice clean sweep though, dontcha think?! LOL!

John Masters

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83164: Andy said, "Oh, Hi Aunt Bee."
Still looking concerned, Aunt Bee replies "I just passed Thelma Lou on the street, and do you know that poor girl looked like she was crying? I wonder whatever could be the matter?"
Andy, glancing over at Barney, said "You'll have to ask Barney, Aunt Bee."
Barney muttered, as if to himself "oh, what a mess I've made of everything..."
"Oh, flibbertigibbet! You go follow her right now, Barney Fife! Whatever's happened, you can make it right - just go talk to her." Aunt Bee said as she walked out the door. And to Andy, "I've got errands to run, don't be late for supper!"
After she left, Barney got up, and walked over to the door, telling Andy "maybe I will try to catch up with Thelma Lou". As he opened the door, he saw a pickup truck going down the street. Sitting in the passenger seat was Thelma Lou.

- Hazel

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83165: BARNEY: "Well of all the...."
ANDY: "What's wrong, Barn?"
BARNEY: "Thelma Lou just went by with Gomer! IN GOMER'S TRUCK!"
ANDY:"Ohhhhh.....not again!"
BARNEY:"So that's the way she wants to do this, huh? Not me, boy. Not THIS guy! No way! If she thinks she's gonna try and make me jealous with Gomer again, well... (Barney grips and slaps at his gunbelt) she's gotta another think comin'! She's tryin' to make me out to be a boob!
(Andy is sliding his hand across his mouth grinning ever so slightly)That's it! I've had it! Finito, done, end, over and out!"

(Barney pauses while pacing in front of the desk)

(Barney appraoches front of desk, looking at Andy)

BARNEY: "Gimme the car keys!"
ANDY:"Where ya' goin?!"
BARNEY" I'm goin' after them! whaddya think I'm doin? Use your head, man!"

(Barney storms out of the doors as Andy just blankly stares at the doors closing. It's then Andy hears the siren sounding on the squad car)

(Scene switches to Gomer and Thelma Lou in truck)

GOMER:"Golly, Thelma Lou, I didnt know you'd be interested in goin' with me to pick up spark plugs and wires and hoses and stuff?!"
THELMA LOU:"It's such a nice day. I thought it would be nice to just go for a spin with a good friend."
GOMER:"Aww...shucks, Thelma Lou. Well, I apprecaite the company. Sometimes it gets kinda lonely drivin' all the way ta' Mount Pilot."
THELMA LOU:"I can see that it would."

(Gomer and Thelma Lou hear the siren coming up behind them quickly)

GOMER:"Well isnt that Barney? Gee, I hope I didnt do anything wrong? Wonder what he's a doin'?"
THELMA LOU:"Oh, you didnt do anything wrong, Gomer. Barney just....oh....never mind."

(Barney catches up to Gomer and he pulls him over. Barney gets out of the car angrily and marches to the driver's side of Gomer's truck)

John Masters

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83166: JM thanks for b-fast...Good afternoon Porch!..hey possum,Boo,Rev,Ro,Lucy,Tom,hazel and all...Race day on the west coast today!...California!...prayers for all and grilled burgers with Maude slaw and all the trimmings for a late lunch!.....SPOT

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83167:
Hello porch family.....rainy day here in SC.

Well I see ya'll are putting poor ole Barney in a bad mood

The wife just took a pound cake out of the oven....come on over and we'll have pound cake and strawberries.

Love and prayers!

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83168: Very, very good Hazel and JM!!

"Aw, this another citizen's arrest? I didn't make no illegal turn!"

"Get outta the truck! You may not be makin' a turn, but you're TAKIN' a turn with my steady girl; now are you gonna get outta there and fight like a man?!"

"Oh, Barn, there ain't nothing between Thelma Lou and me. I thought we'd been all through that. She took back the kiss, remember, and I don't aim to let her kiss me again."

Thelma is sitting in the truck with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, eyes straight ahead while Gomer appeals to her to please set Barney straight..."Thelma Lou, please tell Barney that you aren't gonna kiss me again!". Thelma Lou continues to stare straight ahead and say, "I'm not speaking to Deputy Fife, Gomer, and I am NOT his steady girl...Juanita is!"

Gomer looks shocked, "Juanita?!...down at the diner?...You're kiddin'. Why, she ain't near as purty as you, Thelma Lou, and besides,I thought Juanita was MY girl. I ain't said nothin' but we been seein' each other near ever weekend."

Barn jumps in, "What? YOU been seein' Juanita? You mean she's two-timin' me?!"

By now Thelma Lou climbs out of the truck and nearly flies around to Barney's side and slams him up side the head with her purse.



March 27, 2011 - Msg 83169: Uh- oh- Gomer & Juanita? Not what I had in mind- may have to re-think my installment! Ha Ha Yep, my story was about Gomer and.. well, let me think on it,maybe I can still work it in somehow.
I'm loving it, though! Gomer & Juanita- who would have thunk it!?

possum under a rock

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83170: Try to work it in, Possum! I'm right curious... ;-)


March 27, 2011 - Msg 83171: You folks are great! I'm really enjoying these stories. We've got some real writers on this porch! --Romeena

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83172: *Hint*- it involved a different gal for Gomer! I'll try to write it tomorrow- pretty whipped from a weekend with Miss Laci Loo!
possum again

March 27, 2011 - Msg 83173: Possum, maybe you can have Gomer swear to never see Juanita again to keep the peace with Barney, and then you can work in the girl you had in mind?


March 27, 2011 - Msg 83174: Oh, and when Gomer decides to swear not to see Juanita, I hope he says something like, "I hate to quit seein' her, Barney. She's a widuh (widow) and you know what they say about widuhs." (just kidding) *wink*

By the way, John Masters, I must say that you have Barney's character down to a fine art. Excellant!

Just finished watering the new plants and shrubs and discovered that two of them that we planted are sprouting some kind of little blooms. I didn't even know they were supposed to so I am very happy to see it, and my gardenia bushes are budding up already. Yay! I never realized this gardening stuff would be so much fun...uh, at least until I kill them with my big, brown thumb. Help!


March 27, 2011 - Msg 83175: Great stories gang. I'm really enjoying them.
Prayers for KY Girl. She mentioned she had been in the hospital for a few days with high blood pressure. Her request might have got lost in the last sweep.
Hope everyone had a good Sabbath.


March 27, 2011 - Msg 83176: I didn't see that post about KY Girl..thanks for letting us know Asa.


March 27, 2011 - Msg 83177:
Hello porch folks are unreal....ya'll are some good writers. I can just hear and see all this as I read. all the favorites are being knocked off the floor. Final four!

Race what a finish. I'll be honest, I was glad they took over Kyle. Even though he is a great driver and will probably be a top contender for the title, I'm just not a KB fan.

Prayers for KY Girl.

Asa....are ya'll getting any breaks in the weather yet?

Well better get ready for bed....gonna hit it a little early tonight. See ya'll tomorrow at breakfast.
Love and prayers!

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83178: Prayers for KY Girl. I hope she keeps us posted.
- Hazel

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83179: Uh- oh, missed that about Ky girl- thanks, Asa.

Praying for you, Ky girl! Get better!!

Hmm..I think I've figured out how to "untangle" Gomer from Juanita. Lemme see..

Back in a bit,ok?

possum under a rock

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83180:
Then Thelma Lou walks back over to Gomer's pick up, reaches in and grabs him around the neck.

Gomer tries to pull out of her grasp and exclaims " Now, Thelmer Lou, don't go kissin' me on the jaw again! I can't be marryin' up with you! Gollee! It's bad enough I told Barney that tale about me and Juanita! What if Mary Grace finds out?? I sure hopes this all works out,your little scheme, I mean. Otherwise, I'm in a peck of trouble!"

" Oh Gomer, I'm not going to kiss you, I just wanted to hug your neck for helping me out like this! You telling Barney that you're seeing Juanita is going to fix him good! He thinks I didn't know what was going on between those two all these years- humph! Well, he'll go storming over to the Diner to confront Juanita, she'll get so mad with him that she'll send him packing too! Then let's just see what Mister Lover Boy Barney Fife does then when he loses both his girls!"

Gomer just shakes his head and says " I just don't understand all this,but I'm glad to help ya, Thelmer Lou. You sure you and Barney are through? You're REALLY through?"

" Yes, I'm afraid so, Gomer" says Thelma Lou sadly.

"Shazam! Well, I'd best get over to Mary Grace's, Thelmer Lou. I've got to drive her over to Wally's. You know we're wanting to get married soon and Wally was nice enough to add a room onto my living quarters. That Wally, he's a good ol' feller! And ain't it something how Mary Grace is gonna do all the work herself?Well, her & her brother,that is. You see, she's got this brother and him and her they do carpentry work- they're real good at building closets! Mary Grace says she's gonna build a big one right next to my kitchenette!"

" Gomer, you are so in love with Mary Grace that you must have forgotten something- she's my cousin!" Thelma Lou laughs.

" Oh yeah, what was I thinkin?" Gomer says. "Well, I'd best be on my way. Boy, I wonder what's going on with Barney & Miss Juanita right now? Boy, I'd like to be a fly on that Diner wall!"

"Time will tell, Gomer, time will tell.." says Thelma Lou as she walks away.

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83181: Any "Green Acres" fans will get the 'closet' reference!

possum under a rock

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83182: Meanwhile, Barney is heading over to the Diner to have it out with Juanitas, but is distracted by a funny feel in his mouth. He has been so stunned by all thats transpired this morning, including getting a purse in the puss, that he just know realises that he has lost a tooth!

"Holy cow" Barney mutters to himself, "What else is going to happen today to me?"

By this point Barney comes to the conclusion any effort he is putting forth to make things better is only making them worse.

Barney thinks out loud "Boy Aunt Bee and her great ideas. She's the one who told me to find Thel and talk to her. And what has it got me? A bloody nose, a missing tooth, and heartache, nothing but heartache. I ought to go over there and punch her right on the nose!"



March 28, 2011 - Msg 83183: Ha! Good one,Asa!

possum again

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83184: Good Monday morning porch, just stopping by from work for a quick visit. Good to see everyone.

a cold rainy day on my end of the porch. some of the surrounding areas have some snow but we just have the rain. yucky weather to start the week.

been a little busy on my end of the porch with usual stuff. Beth is getting ready for her junior prom and Patrick is getting ready for his graudation from the community college on May 10th. He will move to Cookeville, TN in August to go to TN Tech to finish his degree. Lots of milestones going on at my place.

guess I will get us some lunch today: BBQ sandwhiches, SLAW, broasted potatoes, chocolate brownies for dessert. tea or lemondate to drink.
see you at noon!

Prayers and blessings all around.
Big Maude

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83185: OMGosh, Asa, you kill me.

Possum, that was great! I loved the little "twist" you put in there about it all being a plan to break up Barney and Juanita and the thing about Mary Grace and her brother...I got that one right away. So good. You people are making Boo very happy. :-)


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83186: "Hey" to Maude. See ya at lunch.


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83187: Thanks,Boo. My plan was to get Gomer engaged to Mary Grace,so that I could refer to her as Ralph on 'Green Acres",but when y'all put Gomer with Juanita, that almost messed me up! LOL Glad I figured out how to get Gomer untangled from Juanita!

possum again

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83188: Oh, and HEY to Maude!

possum under a rock

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83189: Thanks Possum and Boo. It is fun to see how the story takes twists and turns. Feels kind of like my own life right now.
Hey to Maude. Lunch sounds great.

Hey Rev. I meant to ask how your concert went. Hopefully no pollen on the old larnyx. :)
Well come on. Someone add another post with the story. It's better than Peeton Place.


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83190:
Morning porch family....another rainy day here in SC. rained during the concert so had to move it inside. So the pollen was not a problem. And the concert went great...thanks!

LOL....this story plot is getting good....with a different twist.

Ya'll have a very blessed day!
Love and prayers

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83191: Meanwhile back at the Taylor's....Aunt Bee is sitting on the sofa, darning some of Opie's socks while Andy is reading his paper.
Bee shakes her head, "How does a boy go through so many pairs of socks?!"
"He's growin' mighty fast and I guess his socks can't keep up with his feet," says Andy.
"You were that way, as I recall, Andy"
Laying aside her mending, Aunt Bee gets up and heads for the kitchen, "I had better get dinner ready so you can get ready for the dance down at the town hall, Andy. I pressed your good slacks and they're on the ironing board. Wonder what Caroline will be wearing? I'm sure she'll look just lovely."

Andy puts down his paper and a smile comes over his face, "You bet she will, Aunt Bee".
As Aunt Bee disappears in to the kitchen, Andy stretches out on the couch for a few winks before dinner but he can't get Caroline off his mind. If ever there was a woman who was as beautiful on the inside, as on the outside it was Caroline and Andy wonders how he has done without her all these years. He is looking forward to picking her up for the dance tonight and having the whole evening with her. After the dance, he might just take her over to the diner for coffee and spend hours just staring into those beautiful blue eyes of hers...Andy drifts into sleep with those eyes on his mind...



March 28, 2011 - Msg 83192: Boo's gonna kill me. :)
Andy awakes not to the beautiful warm eyes of Caroline, but to two glaring eyes, two cold eyes, two hard eyes, eyes filled with anger and hate. As Andy comes out of his slumber he realizes this is not a dream. Someone is right in his face, inches away, glaring at him. He then jumps and lets out a yell when he realizes who it is.



(ain't I a stinker? hee hee hee)

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83193: Ha ha ha ha! I love it,but, yeah, Boo is gonna kill ya, Asa! Lucky for you,you know a possum with a big rock that you can hide under!

possum again

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83194: Andy quickly jumps to his feet. "Helen!? What are you doing here?"

Helen continues to glare at Andy. " Well, I did not come back for your benefit, Mister Taylor, if that's what you're thinking! I forgot to turn my resignation in to the School Board, and it being a weekend, I didn't quite know how to go about it, so I thought I'd just leave it with you, you being the Sheriff and all.Will you PLEASE see that it gets to the proper authorities? THANK YOU-and GOODBYE!"
With that, Helen stormed out of the Taylor house.

"Well, if that don't beat everything!" Andy said to himself. "Hmm.."

possum again


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83195:
HELLO ALL MATBERRYITES! I had a busy weekend.
Will drop by later to jaw with ya,

March 28, 2011 - Msg 83196: Possum saves the day.... and keeps Boo from killing me.


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83197: "And Helen never again set foot in the town of Mayberry and was never seen again!!"...THERE, Asa! You can come out from under that rock now.


March 28, 2011 - Msg 83198:
Ya'll are a trip.....I'm still laughing at those slick

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83199:
Busy weekend and busy day. Finally slowing down a bit at 10 PM.
Prayers for KY girl. Hope all is OK.
Good story. I'll add a bit I guess.

"Andy runs around to the passenger side of the patrol car to open the door for Caroline. She looks stunning in her blue dress and heels, and she laughingly says to Andy,
"...and so hopefully that will be the LAST we hear from Helen!" Andy smiles and says,
"You better believe it, now let's just have a fun evenin'"
After a few dances, Caroline nudges Andy and blurts out "Andy, will you look at who's walking in!"

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83200:
NO BOO, it's NOT Helen! ha

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83201: Oh my yall and this story thing!..I just have now read some and I am trying to figure it you just jump in and post a part?...ok...prayers and b-fast menu will have to be read at Cracker Barrell cause thats where im taking yall...SPOT

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83202: Andy turns around to see who's walking in, and to his surprise, it's Opie.
"Opie, what in the world are you doing here?"
"Aunt Bee sent me to get you, Paw. Folks keep calling the house, saying Barney's going around punching people in the nose."
Andy turned to Caroline and said, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm going to have to leave for a bit and take care of this. Will you be okay here at the dance for a few minutes by yourself?"
"Of course, you go take care of this. I'll see you when you get back. Maybe I'll visit with that nice Mr. Schwump for a while," Caroline said with a smile.
- Hazel

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83203: It better NOT be Helen! It could be any number of interesting people....uh, Thelma Lou and Gomer...Barney and Juanita...who knows?? Someone hurry up and tell me.

Yes, SPOT, you just jump in and continue the story however you wish. Got something to share?

Well, busy day today. Bruce's sister, Linda is having her surgery today to remove the colon polyp and exploratory. She is the sister I mentioned that had cancer several years ago so we are really praying for a good outcome today. If you could add her to your prayers today, i would appreciate it. Also that there would be no "drama" in with the other women in the family. It was Linda's wish that her mother not know about the surgery today because she would rather not have her there but she asked Bruce and me to come, so it has been uncomfortable for me because when her mother finds out that we knew and didn't tell her, she will be mad at me. Since I am the in-law, I am the target. I got a text message from Bruce's sister Vicki late last night griping about how Linda could do that to her mother, and I felt that she was trying to stir things up at a very bad time. I just told her I thought I should respect Linda's and her husband's wishes and judge her at a time like this. I didn't get a response from Vicki so I know she didn't didn't like what I said about it and I have a good idea she told her mom last night. Those women are a piece of work, I'll tell you, and I am staying out of the middle of it. It is no secret that Linda and her mom are practically estranged because of past problems and I don't think it's my place to say anything. Hope I'm doing the right thing.

Better go...


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83204: and NOT judge her, that is.


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83205: I will certainly include Linda in my prayers Boo. And I think you are doing the right thing by respecting her wishes not to tell her Mom. If anyone questions you about it in a negative way, you just simply tell them I'm not the problem. The problem is between the two of them. I'm just respecting Lindas desire to keep it quiet. If you have a problem with that, go talk to Linda. It was her request, not mine. If they still harrass you Boo, let me know, and I'll go punch all of them in their noses! (boy this new episode has me fired up. lots of violence in Mayberry in this one lol)
Hazel now has Caroline sitting alone at the dance with Mr. Schwump smiling at her. Lets see where it goes from here.


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83206: Thanks, Asa. :-) Your advice is much like Bruce's (except for the punching in the nose part). ;-)

Hazel must have been posting at the same time as me because I missed her the part about Mr. Schwump...the poor dear doesn't get the credit he deserves with that bad hairpiece.


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83207: "Pretty soon Caroline and Mr. Schwump were joined by a bunch of hunched-over teenaged boys..."


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83208: Oh, I'm loving this story- all the crazy twists and turns! And if Spot gets a hold of it- have mercy! LOL

Boo, prayers for Linda and I agree with what Asa said up there. Well, maybe the punching in the nose part was a bit too much (Ha!) but otherwise, good advice.
Oh,I have an idea for the story but am drawing a blank on the person's name! I may have to go pop a certain episode into the DVD player to refresh my memory! Meanwhile, somebody else jump in- I can always work this person (What IS his name?!) into the story.

possum under a rock

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83209: Good morning, fellow Porchsters. Yup, seems I have fallen away from the storyline again. Thanks for the compliment on having Barney down, Boo. As I said before, I am trying to write my parts like the episode was actually real and I had already seen it a few times. But it seems the storyline has skewered a little. Helen and Caroline are in the story again. Didnt we write that as a color version of TAGS?? I think I am confused in the time warp. LOL! I thoght Helen and Caroline were "color" episodes and we now have Gomer and Thelma Lou. Did we cross the colored and black & white episodes??

Prayers and best wishes for KYGirl. Hope she mends ASAP!

Hey to Lucy, REV, RO, auh2o, Asa, Hazel, SPOT, MDC, Possum, Maude and everyone! I will try to be back soon!

John Masters

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83210:
Morning porch family....they say this is going to be the only sunny day of the week here on this end of the porch so I gotta get some things done outside.

Boo...prayers for your SIL and for the situation.

Continued prayers for KYgirl.

Be back later....
Love and prayers for all the porch family!

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83211: Well here I check in at lunch, expecting to see the latest on our Mayberry soap opera, and no one has added anything. Oh well, here goes.

Before long Caroline found herself surrounded by fellers. There was Goober showing her he sewed his fingers together, Gomer, showing her his socks, Charlie Beesley flexing his biceps for her, Frank Pomeroy, tweeking his nose, and some other feller fluttering his eyelashes at her. Caroline just sat there, smiling nicely, trying not to be rude, but wishing Andy would get back soon.
She was about to excuse herself with the thought of going and powdering her nose when all of a sudden Barney Fife shows up, dressed to the hilt in his old salt and pepper. The wirey Deputy see's whats going on and quickly comes to Carolines side.
"Alright you boys, get on out of here before I decide to get mad and write you up for disturbing the peace. Go on, get. Leave this poor woman alone.
Caroline, so appreciative for Barneys help looks up to him and says "oh thank you Deputy Fife. I wasn't sure what I was going to do there."
Barney, sticking out his lower lip, and puffing his chest out replied, "That's quite ok Caroline. That's all in a days work for us fearless lawmen. By the way, you call me Barney, or just Barn. All my friends do.
"O.K. .....Barney it is, and thanks again for helping out."
Barney admiring her stunning beauty replies, "Hey, have I ever shown you this?" He whips out his bullet and holds it under her nose. "I usually don't carry this with me when I wear my civies, but I just thought tonight might be different. You see how that baby shines in the light?"
Caroline, feigns a smile and thinks oh no, not another one.



March 29, 2011 - Msg 83212:

Hey Spot, ya gotta keep up or take notes, but Cracker barrel sounds good! ha
Hey to Maudie, sounds like you been busy too!
Did you try Vicks on your coldsore?
Prayers continue for all, but now back to our story...
"Yes, that's a real fine looking bullet deputy, but to be honest, I'm surprized you're here, because Andy just left lookin' to find you. We heard that you been going around punching people in the nose!"
"Darn right i have. This is right up there with the grocer punching Floyd! Can you imagine the mess...Juanita, Thelma Lou, Gomer, Mary Grace, it's all just a big moulage, and I've
just decided to get all dolled up and have me a good time tonight. Ya wanna dance baby?"
"Now look deputy, you need to just sit down and think this whole thing over. There's a lot of folks been hurt. Oh good, here comes Andy now."


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83213:
Asa...I loved the way you got all those characters in there, (ha) and that last post was me.

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83214:
Well got my yard all cleaned up and cut. Yippy!

By the way....I approved the new cd cover today. Couldn't believe they worked it up so fast. I just mailed it to them Friday.....they got it Monday and emailed it to me today for approval. They are moving along.

Ok.....what's Andy going to do/say?

Love and prayers

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83215: Andy walks in, and seeing Caroline walks over to her table. As he gets closer, he sees Barney is talking to her. "Where you been, Barn? I've been looking all over town for you! What's this about you punching people in the nose?"
Barney couldn't look Andy in the eye, and instead stared at his freshly-shined shoes. "It's true, Andy, I don't know what came over me, I was just so mad at Thelma Lou and Gomer and Juanita, that I couldn't think straight. You might just as well lock me up right now, Sheriff. I'm guilty."
"Well now Barney, it ain't quite that bad... nobody's filed a formal complaint and maybe if you apologize to everyone they'll understand", said Andy.
As Caroline watched the 2 friends talk, she couldn't help but admire Andy. He was so gentle and fair, and she was so glad that she and he were becoming closer.
Andy turned to Caroline and said "Do you want to dance"? and looking at Barney he said, "Barn, you better go check the doorknobs on the stores. And don't punch anybody in the nose while you're doing it. In the morning, if the courthouse fills up with lawyers, wanting to file complaints from the people you punched in the nose, well, we'll deal with it then."
Barney grabbed Andy's hand and shook it. "Thanks buddy," as he walked out the door.
Barney headed down the street, thinking again about what a great friend Andy was. As he checked the doorknobs, a shadowy figure was walking down the sidewalk. As the person got closer, he realized it was Thelma Lou.
- Hazel

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83216: I don't know about crossing the black and white and color eps, JM, I'm just writing what I think should have happened in Mayberry. :-)

Well Linda came through the surgery with flying colors and the doc says it looks like a polyp and nothing more but they will have to send it pathology, of course. They removed two small sections of the colon on either side of the polyp and some lymph nodes that will have to be analyzed but right now everything looks good. Thanks for the prayers.

Asa, I was about ready to scream thinking you were going to try to get Caroline and Barney together!...whew! This story is beginning to get kind of confusing. I don't know where we should go from here but I will try...

Andy comes in and makes a beeline for Barney, grabs him by the arm and practically lifts him off his skinny legs, dragging him to the nearest restroom. "Barney, you beat ever-thang, you know that?! I'm supposed to be here at the dance with Caroline and I got to leave her here and run around lookin' for you because you are too high-strung to think things through!"

"High strung?! high strung?!..who you.." He is cut off by Andy;
"Shut up! You had better listen to me and listen good. I could throw the book at you for assault. You're a lawman and you're-a actin' like a spoiled kid. You got Gomer all upset and Juanita threatening to press charges, and for some reason poor Mary Grace is sittin' over at Thelma Lou's with a bloody nose. Now, you better fix it Barn. You're on your own. I'm leavin' and I suggest you get yourself over to Thelma Lou's and straighten things out or you can consider youself unempoyed tomorrow!" Andy quickly heads back to Caroline and the two of them excuse themselves and head for the door.

"Is everything alright, Andy", asks Caroline as Andy opens her cardoor, helps her in and then takes his seat in the driver's side.
"That Barney beats everything. He's made his bed this time, and he's made it good! Now he'll just have to sleep in it."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Andy."
"This surely isn't the way I wanted this evening to turn out. Can we just forget about Barney and take a drive out to the Duck Pond, Caroline?" (Andy takes Caroline's hand)
"The duck pond? Why do ya want to go to the duck pond, Andy?"
"Oh, that's right. You don't know nothin' about the duck pond. It's just a place where couples kinda go when they're courtin' know, just to talk..or.."
"Might there be kissing at the duck pond?"
"Well, there just might be."
"Then let's go", says Caroline, scooting over next to Andy.



March 29, 2011 - Msg 83217: Oh no!!Hazel and I did it again...posting at the same time. Sorry Hazel!

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83218: Boo

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83219: Gosh Hazel, your Andy is alot nicer than my Andy!


March 29, 2011 - Msg 83220: Good evening gang...gosh I have had a ball laughing at the porch story!...hey Rev,hazel,Possum,Boo,Romeena,MDC,MD and all...hey anybody heard from Mavis?...Ky prayers and to all in need....ok at work all night...Rain on the way...back with the b-fast menu in a bit....SPOT

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83221: Good evening, Porchsters!

Just thought I would drop in right quick like to say Good Night and I hope to see y'all in the A.M.! I will have to do some major catching up.

Have a safe night, all!

John Masters

March 29, 2011 - Msg 83222: Oh shoot, I plum forgot...prayers sent for KYGirl!


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83223: Thought i would go ahead and jump back into the story. Sorry, Boo...I am going with Hazel's entry just to be fair of her's being first. I didnt think you'd mind.

Barney stops dead in his tracks and straightens up stiff as a board as Thelma Lou is heading right to him. She doesnt seem him because she is walking with her head down until......

BARNEY:(straightens throat)
THELMA LOU:(with a surprised look and a very low but stern voice) "Good evening, Mr. Fife"
BARNEY: "Listen....Thel...I , uh"
THELMA LOU: "If you dont mind Mr. Fife, I was just on my way home. Good night to you."

Thel passes right by Barney not even making eye contact. Barney gets a very sad look on his face)

Barney turns and walks, almost slinking down the sidewalk towards the courthouse. Thelma Lou turns a corner and peeks around watching Barney. Barney enters the courthouse and disappears into the backroom. At that moment, Andy enters......

ANDY: "Hey Barn, you here?"

(Barney reappears. Sunk, sad and almost folding in on himself)

ANDY: "Barn, you look sad enough for a funeral"
BARNEY: " remember when I was cleaning my gun and everyone thought I shot myself?"
ANDY: "Yeah."
BARNEY: (Pitifully) "Well.....that's about how I feel! Oh, Andy, what am I gonna do? I messed everything up and know sometimes I just get carried away and...."
ANDY: "I know. I know."
BARNEY: "I just feel awful!"

About this time, Caroline comes in to see what is holding Andy up.

CAROLINE: "Andy, is everything OK?"
ANDY: "Barney here is feeling mighty low and he was just gettin' some stuff off his chest."
CAROLINE: "Barney (she puts an arm around Barney's shoulders while he slumps in his chair) Would you like me to try and talk to Thelma Lou?"
ANDY: "Ummm...Caroline...I dont wanna sound uppity or anything, but this might be the least little bit too much. Things are pretty bad."
BARNEY: (Looking up at Caroline) "Do you think you can? Really?"
CAROLINE: "Sure Barney, I'll try. First thing in the morning, I know Thelma Lou is supposed to pick up some things at the bakery. I'll see if I can't have a word with her."
BARNEY: "Oh, Caroline. Thanks. I.....*sniffs*...(grabs hanky and is overcome with emotion and disappears in the backroom)
ANDY: (To Caroline) "MM, I hope you know what you're doin'?
CAROLINE: (Taken back and grinning) "What? You think I cant patch this up?"
ANDY: "Well,'s just that Barney and Thelma Lou has had a lot of fights and break ups and I dont know if this one is fixable."
CAROLINE: "Cant hurt to try, can it?"
ANDY: " But I'll tell ya' one thing! It's hurtin' my head!"

Caroline and Andy exit the courthouse.

John Masters

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83224:
JM, looks like you used all of Hazel's entry and the last part of Boo's, so I'll use some of that as I continue from yours.

"Barn (andy yells to the backroom) me and caroline's headin' up to the duck pond. Will you be alright?"

(Barney runs from the backroom) "The duck pond? Yer goin' to the duck pond? Mind if I tag along?"

"Well...Barn, I don't know know, it's the duck pond!"

"Yeah, I suppose yer right. You kids go ahead, have a good time, I'll be fine here all by" (Takes out his handkercheif and blows!)

(Andy looks at Caroline, she smiles, and Andy finally says) "Oh all right, come on Barn."
(Andy rolls his eyes and the three of them climb into the front seat of the patrol car.)


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83225: Alright now, I don't know who posted that last entry, but that's a little weird. hehe


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83226:
Hey Porch

My ma passed yesterday evening. I wanted to thank all of you again for your prayers. It was nice to able to reach out to ya'll.

ky girl-Sorry to hear you were in the hospital. I sure hope you're feeling better.

I have to play catch and do some reading of "As Mayberry Turns."

Hope to check back later today. Here's an interesting quote for those so inclined.

"I always use extreme. "That is what the CAUCUS INSTRUCTED me to use." Chuckie Schumer.


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83227: Morning porch.
Auh2o, I am so sorry to read of your Mother passing away. My prayers go out to you and your family friend. I know there are certain times and situations when slipping from the earthly bonds are a blessing, especially when there is much pain and suffering. But it still leaves a void for those left behind. So I pray for the Lord to bless you and be with you as you mourn your temporary loss.


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83228: My sympathies to you, auh2o on the loss of your mother. Love & prayers, friend.

possum under a rock

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83229: Morning porch, my deepest sympathies to you auh20 on the passing of your mother. you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

raining and cool on my end of the porch today. a dreary kinda day and supposed to be that way all day and evening.

Work is kinda busy right now which is a good thing. I am usually worn out at the end of the day but at least I am staying busy which means getting paid on a regular basis!

enjoy the Mayberry stories! What a cool porch thing to do!

better get to work but breakfast first! scrambled eggs, biscuits, bacon, sausage,ham, gravy, apple butter, jelly, fruit, coffee, tea, orange juice/pineapple juice to drink. SPOT can fetch the paper please.

prayes and blessings to all.

Big Maude

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83230: So very sorry to hear of your mother's passing, Auh2o. My prayers for you and for your family today.


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83231: Good Morning, Porch!

My condolances and prayers for your healing, auh2o. I am so sorry. May you find peace in healing.

I do believe I will belly up to the breakfast bar here if I'm not too late! That's quite a menu!

Barney going with Andy and Caroline to the duck pond kinda threw me too, Boo. Well, not much worse than him hornin' in on Andy and Mary and the microscope.

Have a great day, all!

John Masters

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83232: While Barney sits brooding in the back of the squad car, Andy beckons for Caroline to scoot over closer to him..
" Caroline, scrunch over this a way, scrunch over" Andy says in a low voice.
" Listen. I know how you must feel about Barney horning in on our trip to the duck pond, but I'm gonna take care of this thing once and for all, so don't you give it nary a thought and worry that pretty lil' head of yours now, ya hear?"
Carolina just nods and gazes perplexedly at Andy.
They arrive at the duck pond and Andy quickly gets out from behind the wheel and heads around to the passenger's side. Caroline anticipated him opening the door for her,but to her surprise, Andy wrenches the back passenger door open and drags Barney out by his skinny little arm!
" Now, Dag burn it, Barn. I have HAD it with you! I tell you, I have HAD it! I declare you beat everything,you know that?" Andy says in an irritated tone.
" Maybe what you need is for that hard head of yours to get a good soaking!"
And with that, Andy picks Barney up over his head and hurls him into the duck pond!
" SPLASH !! "


possum again

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83233:
My prayers and thoughts as well auh2o.
May she rest in peace, and may you and yours be consoled.
Well, I suppose some of you heard about the Fiesta Bowl shakeup. I always KNEW that ceo was crooked, and now it all comes out.
OK---back to our story...

Andy starts the car and says, "You know, I'm kinda hungry. I didnt eat much of Aunt Bee's liver and onions tonight, and then I was runnin' all over town looking for YOU Barn, so I'm gonna just head over to the diner."

Caroline chimes in: "That sounds wonderful, I'll get me a big piece of pie."
BArney: "Well, OK, I guess I could use a lemon phosphate."



March 30, 2011 - Msg 83234:
WHOA! Possum beat me to it, so let's go with her's!

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83235: Uh, MDC, I'm pretty sure the three of them went and got a lemon phosphate and some pie before heading to the duck pond, so it's all good. ;-)

Hey Possum, your Andy is even meaner than mine!

Can't wait to see what happens next... Does Barney know how to swim? hehe


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83236: Meanwhile back at the Taylor house, Opie and Johnny are in their cowboy pj's, watchin' "The Lone Ranger" on tv.
Opie to Johnny: "Johnny, did you know that if you put a horse hair in water it will turn into a snake? Let's go get Pa's suit and I'll show ya."
(sorry, just had to add that after seeing an old Fred MacMurray movie in which someone said that same thing! haha).


March 30, 2011 - Msg 83237: Stagnation water,Boo! Ha Ha

Yeah, I had to " nasty" Andy up a bit! Not sure if Barney knows how to swim or not. We'll have to wait until the next installment!

possum again

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83238: My goodness! Just let me be gone for a day or two and look what happens. Andy's trying to drown Barney, Barney makes a big durn fool of himself (again), Caroline and Andy are getting awfully chummy, and Opie's fixin' to get into trouble by causing his pa's suit to get soft! I declare, I can't wait to see what happens next!

auh2o, I'm sorry to hear of your mom's passing, but I know it was anticipated and most likely a relief to the family, after the initial hurt passes. It's so hard to watch someone you love endure the misery that come at times. I think I've posted this before, but it's so appropriate right now - a beloved pastor once said "it's not all of life to live, nor all of death to die." That's about as profound as it gets, and the more you think about it, the more it will speak to you. To me, the first phrase is an encouragement, the second phrase is also encouraging to a Christian, but a warning to the unsaved as well.

ky girl, I hope things are going well for you right now, after your recent hospital stay. That can really be scary, and I'm glad you're home now. Praying for you, dear. Please keep us posted.

I'm sitting at my window, looking out on a huge mess in my yard. The trees are full of agile young men who are cutting the cottonwood bead strings out, before they can open and scatter that miserable cotton everywhere. I have this done every spring, otherwise all my flowers and landscaping, and all the work that's been done back there will just be ruined. It amazes me that these guys can do what they do, but honestly, when they get through, there won't be a little green string of beads left anywhere on the trees, and there will be no cotton flying in my yard later on. They will clean up the yard before they go, and you won't even be able to tell they've been here.

I think I've told you all this before, I can't remember. I'm just so impressed with their boss that I'll tell it again! He's about 35-40, came here with his parents from Ecuador (I think) when he was 11. Spoke no English, none. Family was broke, it cost every cent they had just to pay the expenses to come in legally. He's now a citizen. He started from scratch, with a pole saw and a few other tools, just trimming trees for people, working out of an old pickup. He now speaks excellent English, owns a van, a beautiful crew-cab pickup, a smaller pickup, several trailers, a huge towable chipper and a big truck to catch the chips, and of course all sorts of chainsaws and other tools. He employs about twelve guys and keeps them busy. I called on Monday last week, in order to get him here today. He is the embodiment of how someone who applies him or herself can achieve the "American dream." I once asked him if he ever climbs the trees anymore. He just laughed, and said, "Not often, I did enough of that when I was younger. I just climb now and then, enough to keep the guys on their toes and let them know that the old man can still do it too."

The climbers are amazing. They can be as much as sixty feet off the ground, standing on a limb, and roped to the trunk. The rope is several feet long, so they can move around. They just stand there, lean into the harness, and reach out with their pole saws or pole clippers, and anywhere they see a string of green beads, they whack that twig off. They will literally strip those three trees of the beads, and when they're done, the trees will look better than they did before the cutting. Amazing.

Well, I saw a chiropractor today, though he's not the typical bone-cracker. I think I may be onto something. More about that later, as this grows too long. Blessings, everyone! --Romeena

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83239: Hey, possum. I wouldn't worry about whether Barney can swim or not. If they were at the usual place, where Andy skipped the rocks for Miss Peggy, that water isn't but about a foot deep. Barney can just stand up and walk out. He's better watch out for the crawdads, though. --Romeena

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83240: Make that "he'd better". --Romeena

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83241:
A good friend once told me,"No one really dies when they are remembered." I liked that.

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83242:
RO- I think you're thinking about Myer's Lake, not the duck pond. But i cant imagine a pond being too deep. lol

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83243: Y'all hush up and get Barney outta that duck pond! Ha Ha
C'mon, MDC!

possum again

March 30, 2011 - Msg 83244: Sorry Possum, I don't even know where to go with that duck pond thing! That one gave me "writer's block".

Ro, when you were talking about folks "passing" you reminded me of an email I got today from my dear aunt who lost her husband last month. She is really going through it. Days after the funeral, she had a grease fire in her kitchen that destroyed a good part of the house, which is being redone and she is staying in a hotel with her son who lives with her. He is in his 30's divorced, and has some major health issues due to juvenile diabetes (since age 3). It looks as though they may lose their home once they get back in it. The area of Detroit they are in is a very depressed area and folks are losing their homes left and right. Thankfully she has two other sons with good jobs in the area so they will have a place to go. So sad what is happening to her, though, at a time like this.

Made beef pepper steak in the crock pot today and it sure smells some kind of good! Just finished the rice, got some corn muffins, too. Wish you all could join us.