July 31, 2020 - Msg 115017: Well Happy Birthday to Possum and Boo. Per...teee time. Hope it's a good one and thanks for sharing your stories. I love reading them.
And Ro, the parts delay is a trade secret. lol

John, I suspect there will not be a season in the NFL this year. Matters not to me based on what I have been hearing concerning their desire to be P.C. (I'll leave it at that)

Hotter than a firecracker around here, I can only imagine what it must be like for MDC. Hard to believe it's jhe last day of July. Sure is going fast, even with this stinking virus.

GF, I am having a problem with the ignitor on my gas stove top. The tick, tick, tick sometimes doesn't tick a-tall, not on any of the 4 burners. Doesn't happen all the time. Does that sound like an ignition module going bad to you? I have never really messed with them before. I was hoping maybe you have and could give me some insight. I know it has power because the clock is fine and the hot surface ignitor for the oven works okay. Any thoughts?

Well if I'm going to the party I best get cleaned up. I'll even put on clean underwear for the occasion. :)


July 31, 2020 - Msg 115018: Right after I clean up.


July 31, 2020 - Msg 115019: Asa...My experiences with those are one of 3 things... Either a bad ground, or the control box is going bad or it can be the switch that slips onto the valve...Funny thing I always kept a spare in my tool box and I still have one in it...Ill send you a picture and see if it looks like yours...10-4?


July 31, 2020 - Msg 115020: Ffgg

July 31, 2020 - Msg 115021: Rrrr

July 31, 2020 - Msg 115022: Oh, I missed Possum.


Let's see if we can get Lillian to make her 1% meat, 99% breadcrumb meatballs. And Mrs. Foster to make her "wallpaper paste" chicken a la king. Aunt Bee can make up a big batch of her kerosene cucumbers. And Mr. Frisby and Jubal Foster can bring the "spirits!" And maybe the Darling boys can take another shot at a Hoot Owl pie!

Looks like a humdinger of a party! Yum! Yum!

John Masters

July 31, 2020 - Msg 115023: And Spotty's gonna swing by the Morrison Sisters' place for some " celebrating elixir "! It's gonna be BIG,I tell ya,BIG! Party at the Remshaw House-whoo hoo!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, JM!

possum again


July 31, 2020 - Msg 115024: Yeehaw! Party at the Remshaw house! The good thing about internet parties is you cant catch covid!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Its been a good day so far. I have been avoiding the news, too, JM and it is making all the difference. I do hear about friends who are ill and that is difficult, but I pray and try not to dwell on it. I don't get involved in the political mess on facebook, though, that's for sure. Its a good way to lose friends these days.

Keep the stories coming and I will try to think of some more to share later...gotta run.


August 01, 2020 - Msg 115025:

"Nature's been good to you. I mean real, real, real good!" :)

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115026:

great idea. The Remshaw place needs a little tidying, but we'd just get it all messed up again, so its the perfect spot! ha (Or is that SPOT?! :)) JM, those vittles and beverages sound great! A real "hoot!"
ASA- yes, it has been dang hot. 118 on Thursday and about 115 today. Sure its dry,
(for now) August usually brings some rain and humidity.
POSSUM--baton down the hatches, i heard a hurricane is heading your way.
ASA--you sure that tick, tick, tick aint your fuel pump? ha. She may need the gas line
blown out. (Kinda seriously actually:) We had a gas stove growing up, the kind with a pilot light, and sometimes the little gas hole on the burner would get clogged with food drippings etc.
See if you can remove the burners and check the little hole on each one. Make sure gas is getting thru ok. Just a thought.

Good stories so far. I have a cute, but a little bittersweet, story. Back in 2005
when my dear mom's alz's was getting bad, she barely knew who I was, and my wife could no longer visit with me because it just pained my wife so to see mom go downhill.
Anyway, the grown daughter of the lady in the next room of the nursing home stopped in one day while I was there, and my mom thought she was my wife! So for the next two years until my mom passed in 2007, that lady was my 'wife' to my mom! We had many fun and interesting visits! :) I think we'll both have a good laugh in heaven about that one!
BTW, I caught the 2nd TAGS on Me tv tonight about our Barbara Eden as manacurist. That's my little post above. She for sure aint no boy! ha

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115027: Haha...MDC...Speaking from personal experience...Meeting Barbara in person a few years ago I can DEFINITELY vouch for that! She is DEFINITELY was NOT a Boy!...And Nature HAS been Good,...REAL GOOD to her!....I got a autographed picture and had my picture made with her too!....I must add, she did kill my Mayberry budget that year tho, but who could resist a chance to meet Jeanie plus I waited in line (in the rain) for over 3 1/2 hrs to meet her..😱


August 01, 2020 - Msg 115028: Asa, regarding your gas oven igniter problem, check out https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=gas+oven+igniter+intermittent

MDC, before my own mother passed away, she thought I was her parish priest.

I noticed also that Boo and possum had recent birthdays. So I offer up belated birthday wishes to them.

G-F, three and a half hours waiting in line to get an autograph and a selfie from Barbara Eden? I would not do that unless there was an invitation to dinner with her that was included.

from Poor Horatio

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115029: Morning Porchsters!

A very cool and wet morning here in the Ozarks. Everything is finally soaked and the grass is green and soft again! And all is right with the wor.....well, just all is right with my yard.

I dont have any real hilarious stories to tell, but as my grandmother (mom's mom) was getting way up there in years, she would tell stories and get people and places all mized up. Like she met Bill Clinton in a little bitty town in NW Arkansas called Gentry. It's WAY back when he was running for governor. Well, she used to tell how she met former Royals third baseman, George Brett at the park in Gentry. 1. As I said, it was Bill Clinton. And 2. she never met George Brett. Then she would remember friends visiting them in the wrong places. When my Grandpa retired, they moved to NW Arkansas. She would tell of grandpa's friends "dropping by" at their home in Arkansas. 1. 230 miles south of KC isn't "dropping by." And 2. they never visited in NW Arkansas.

Ok, I gotta scoot. Gotta get to WalMart for some goods. Be back later. Have a great and safe day, folks!

John Masters

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115030: mixed up^^^

John Masters

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115031: Good morning, porch! Sunny and hot here today. There is a little breeze, but it's mostly just moving the hot air around. Well, at least July is finished, and now we have August to get through. After that, the heat should let up at least a little bit. We're expecting a high of only 92 today, but with high humidity. After that, it's the mid to high 90's all week, and 100+ next week. I know that doesn't sound like much next to MDC's 118, but add in the humidity and it's pretty hot. There have been days when I've walked out to the fish pond to feed the fish, and would be sweating (not perspiring, just plain old sweating) by the time I got to the pond. It's just about 40 feet from my back door!

I remember when my dad was in the grip of Alzheimer's. He would have good days and bad days. Before he got bad, was still driving and all, he decided to move into a retirement residence. I was so glad he made the decision himself, and I didn't have to do it. It was one of those "staged" places, everything from independent living to full "nursing home" type care. He had moved over into intermediate care, and I had gone by to pick him up and take him to lunch. He announced that he had a good idea. He looked at me and said, "Let's go back to that place where we got that great lunch, and had the beautiful view of the mountains." I had no idea what he was talking about, so he repeated it, with more descriptions of the view, even told what "we" ate. I finally figured out that he was remembering a place he and my mother had visited several years earlier, when they had gone on a driving trip through the western states. They were gone for six weeks, and had a wonderful time. Both were well and clear-headed at the time.

I told him that I had never been there, and that it would be too far to drive there that day. He became pretty agitated, losing his temper with me, and saying things like "Don't tell me you don't remember that place. You even said you'd like to come back there sometime. Well, let's go!" I told him again that I had never been there, that it was my mother who was with him. He stopped, looked at me with confused and bewildered eyes for a moment, then it was like I could hear the click. His eyes focused, his angry expression disappeared, and tears came to his eyes. He said, "You're right. It was Mary, my wife, your mother, who was with me. You're not her, you're my daughter. Dear Lord, what is happening to me?" Friends, my heart just broke, but I didn't let it show. I just agreed with him, hugged him and suggested we go for lunch to a place I knew he liked, and we did. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly. Alzheimer's can be so cruel. --Romeena

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115032: Me again. I have to add this. Alzheimer's can be cruel, but it can also be funny. Really hilarious, at times. When my dad was living at Twelve Oaks, he insisted on keeping some cash in his wallet. He had absolutely no use for cash there, but he insisted. He kept $300. I didn't worry about it, because he kept it in his wallet, and didn't let anyone see it. About twice a month, his friend Tom would pick him up and take him to lunch, and Daddy liked to pay. Tom tried to pay, but Daddy insisted. Tom even talked to me about it, afraid I would think he was taking advantage, but I assured him that he would be doing us all a favor by letting him pay, because it gave Daddy so much pleasure to do so. Then Tom would take him to Sam's, where Daddy would buy a cart full of candy. Little individual bite-size candies, which he would then deposit on windowsills, tabletops, and at each place setting in the dining room. He would leave two pieces on the housekeeper's cart. He showed me the lady once, and said, "Just look at her poor swollen feet and ankles, and she works so hard. Don't you think it might cheer her up a little to find a piece of candy on her cart?" (Typical of Daddy.) I got him a little basket, and he would fill it and then make his rounds, leaving candy here and there. He was known as The Candy Man at the facility. Obviously, he needed money for that, and would often spend $100 or more in candy. I didn't try to stop it. It gave him too much pleasure, and besides, it was his money.

Well, one day we had been to lunch, and when we got to Twelve Oaks, before he got out of the car, he told me he wanted me to go back to the bank and get him "eight of these." He showed me a $100 bill in his wallet. I was a signer on his account, and could do it, but what did he need with $800?? I asked, and he said, "Never mind. I just need it." I questioned again, and he snapped at me! "Whose money is it, Missy? Mine or yours?" Well, that did it. I agreed to do it, and left him sitting on the bench by the front entrance. (He was still in independent living.)

I went to the bank, got eight $100 bills, and returned to Twelve Oaks. He was still sitting on the bench, and came and got in the car. He asked if I got "those things" and I pulled them out and handed them to him. He looked at them for a minute, and said, very sharply, "What did you get all of this for? You know I only carry three!" I told him I got them because he told me to, and his reply just floored me. He said, "Well, what are you listening to me for? You know I'm supposed to be crazy!"

Then he said, exhibiting perfect logic, "I'll just keep two, because I already have one, and you keep the rest for when I need it later." And so I did. He had gone from confusion when he asked for the money, to logic when I returned. That's how Alzheimer's works. God was merciful, Daddy never reached the final stages, of total confusion, combativeness, all the miserable things the condition can produce. God called him home before it got that bad. I often heard Daddy pray and ask God to just let him go to sleep here and wake up in Heaven. On Father's Day morning, in 2003, he did exactly that. God is good.

Blessings, friends! --Romeena

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115033: The Candy Man can cause he mixes it with love to make the world taste good.

;) Romeena

John Masters

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115034:

BTW, I thin ASA's "got plenty of gas!" yuk, yuk (:

August 01, 2020 - Msg 115035: That was such a sad story about your dad, Romeena. I am so glad he is no longer suffering and is happy in heaven with your mom and Jesus now.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone. It was a good day and so was today. Little Emily had a birthday this weekend so we went to Susans and ate and had birthday cake with Emily. Can you believe she turned 13?! These kids grow up so fast.

We had a good bit of run and some thunder and lightening today. Its very warm and humid but not as hot as usual. I am really hoping for an early fall this year. I love being able to open the windows and let in some fresh air now and then.

Well, I think I will get something to drink and watch a little tv. Blessings to all.


August 01, 2020 - Msg 115036: Speaking of stories: Hey Possum.."PRINGLES!"


August 02, 2020 - Msg 115037: A Good Morning to you all!

A bright, cool, sunny, not a single cloud in the bright blue sky day here. My, my! If it wasn't for some needed chores to get done, I'd grab my fishing pole, my gollywobbler lure, a sack of sandwiches and head for the lake! Tomorrow's the perfect day to do anything. But..not for me. Things have to get done today.

Boo - Glad to see you are on a "good" streak. Let's hope it continues!

Ok, folks...have a great day! Do something fun and enjoy the day!

Good Sabbath, Porch!

John Masters

August 02, 2020 - Msg 115038: Here folks.... in case you want to see some good ol' tourism and fun!


John Masters

August 02, 2020 - Msg 115039: Ha! The old Pringles Potato Chips story! Good memory, Boo- wish I knew what prompted her to suddenly blurt that out at the dinner table. One of the great mysteries of my life,I guess!
Glad you had a nice birthday! I am enjoying the stories,even though some of the circumstances surrounding some weren't the best. Keep the stories coming,y'all!

possum again

August 02, 2020 - Msg 115040: Oh, before I forget- we are expecting Tropical Storm Isaias but no worries here at ol possum's rock. Just some rain and maybe a little breezy. We'll be fine. WiFi connection may go out,but don't worry. I'll pop back on the porch when I can.Just grateful we're not dealing with a major hurricane!

possum once more

August 02, 2020 - Msg 115041:

HI Gang, just a pop in hello today! Had some 'puter issues, but the "Geek Squad" at Best Buy got things going again. But was told that my 10 year old Betsy may need to retire. (ASA, I do have a name for my computer, but not yet my truck! ha)
Did u get the gas works fixed? Did you try new asphalt? harhar
Well, I found out that I can live without pro sports! woohoo!
Hope ya all got to some kind of preachin' today.
Good Sabbath,
MDC :)

August 02, 2020 - Msg 115042: Oh, Possum, good to hear you will not be out there in the storm!

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115043: Good morning, Porch!

A perfect forecast of sun and 78* for the high.

MDC - I got a brand new computer a year ago. Mine was on the fritz and just couldn't hold up anymore. It's a big upgrade and can do more of what I need. I am enjoying pro sports thru my baseball computer game. It's SO involving and real! You can forget your chores and responsibilities pretty quickly if you don't regulate your play.

The COVID cases in our county is just bottoming out. We are down to 41 actives cases and 111 in quarantine. That's a HUGE drop from where we were a week and two weeks ago! It's almost gone in some of our surrounding counties. So that's something newsworthy that's worth feeling good about!

Better git to them doggies. They want their food. Post. Haste.
Y'all have a great and safe day, be happy and find something fun to do or watch!

John Masters

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115044: If you dont remember anything else today, remember this...

Bikes are bikes and houses are houses.


August 03, 2020 - Msg 115045: Good morning, porch! Bright and breezy here today, some high clouds, but no promise of rain. We do need it, wish it would happen.

Hey, John Masters! I see you were using the * for a degree symbol, and it works fine. However, did you know you can hit "Alt 248" and it will make the degree mark? At least it does on my keyboard/computer. I'd be interested to know if it works for you. There's a website that lists all of the fancy little things, like how to make the little Spanish (Alt 164) and the accented (Alt 138). The came in handy when I was corresponding with a friend in my somewhat limited Spanish. The one I use mostly, though, is the degree mark .

Possum, would you tell us the Pringles story again? I "sorta" remember it, but have forgotten the details. That happens when you get old, just you wait and see. What I do remember is that it was funny, and I'd like to hear it again.

My DIL in Florida apparently dodged the Isaias bullet, too. It made landfall well north of where she is, about 30 miles north of Orlando. They probably got or will get some wind and rain, but nothing severe. Hurricanes are strange and scary things.

Well, I have about five errands to run today, guess I'd better get moving. Trinket has observed that I'm dressed, so she knows I'm leaving, and I'll probably have to chase her down to get her into the bathroom. Unfortunately, she's a lot quicker than I am, so maybe I'd better resort to trickery. However, she's also smarter than I am, so my tricks usually don't work too well. Oh well, I can use the exercise! Blessings, friends. Stay well, stay safe. --Romeena

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115046: Ok,the Pringles story again,just for Romeena and anyone else interested!

Back in the olden days when I was a teenager,we went out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. By we, I mean my mama,stepdad, two younger sisters, my daddy's mother ,who we called Mamie (Daddy died when I was young) and my stepfather's mom,who we called Granny. Granny would remind you of Jessica Tandy AKA "Miss Daisy" from the movie Driving Miss Daisy. Very prim and proper.

Anyway,we went over to a nearby town for Thanksgiving and it was a pretty fancy place,serving our meal in courses,starting out with mulled cider with cinnamon sticks and there we were,trying to "act fancy" and sip our cider when all of a sudden Granny blurted out " Pringles Potato Chips!" That was it-just "Pringles Potato Chips" , Nobody said anything,us kids tried to stifle our laughter but Mamie was a mess and she started laughing and then my sisters and I did too-until Mama gave us "the look". So,we got quiet real fast and ate our meal and wondered what was up with that outburst. Granny was of sound mind ,so it wasn't some behavioral thing. We used to laugh and talk about it among ourselves and Mama would try to make excuses for her by saying that Granny was repeating something she heard on the restaurant's music system. Nope- we would have heard it too,as quiet as it was in the dining room.

Anyway, it became a family joke and it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if someone didn't always exclaim " Pringles Potato Chips!" in Granny's honor- ha ha

And that's a wrap!

possum u.a.r.

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115047: LOL! That's great, possum!

I wonder if she was just in a good mood and decided to do something silly? That IS a head scratcher!

John Masters

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115048: I have no idea ,John! An unsolved mystery!

possum again

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115049:

Maybe it was like yelling out "MEAT!" haha, mdc

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115050: I was thinking the exact thing MDC...G-F

August 03, 2020 - Msg 115051: Great story Possum. And good for you guys for making it a tradition.

Romeena, your Daddy stories had me crying one minute and laughing the next. You are an excellent writer.

My plans for today were going to be working on my stove ignition problem, but I woke up with the misery in my back and figured I didn't need to be dragging my oven out because I think the thing I need to check is located on the back. So it can wait. I use a little hand held wand ignitor if need be. Thanks for the e-mails GF and the link PH.

Just went out to get the mail and it was like walking into a blast furnace. Hotter than a firecracker with a south wind. Mercy sakes, I use to have to work in that stuff all day. I think I have become spoiled. lol

MDC, So bigger wires won't fix Betsy?
I see the numbers on folks turning on the MLB and NBA games and they are bad, really bad. Hmmm, maybe folks have had enough of the things they choose to embrace. I know I have.

Another story comes from my High School years. In my senior year, my English class was also my Home Room class. It was taught by Miss Olsen. Miss Olsen was a very petite and proper woman. She really was a very nice lady but I should emphasise, she was very VERY PROPER. One day I was just a little late getting to class. I got to the door going into her room a minute or two after the bell had rung. I tried to quietly open the door to sneak in, hopefully unnoticed. Well as luck would have it, Miss Olsen was about to leave the room for something and was talking to the class as she reached for the door knob, looking back at the class as she did so. Of course evry eye on the class was on her. The timing could not have been better (or worse depending on how you look at it) as I replaced the door. And you all know what is at door knob level. YIKES!! The class burst out laughing, the guys all hooting and hollering. I'm not sure who turned redder, her or me. She initially got mad at me, but then realized it was all just happenstance. Seriously, the timing could not have been better. I'm just glad it was near the end of the school year and my Senior year. :)


August 03, 2020 - Msg 115052: Asa...I dont think I have the words for that story! I think that's better left unsaid. At least, on THIS forum! LOL! ;)

I had a question for you folks. I have wondered about something Ernest T. and Andy said to each other and 1. if I heard it right and 2. what does it mean?
It's from "Malcolm at the Crossroads", when Andy gets on to Ernest T. and threatens to fire him from the crosswalk job. Ernest T. says "You dasher!" And Andy replies, "I do dasher!" Or something like that. Can you tell what they are saying and what it means. I've NEVER been able to pick up on it no matter how much I see it.

John Masters

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115053:

JM--so a bad coaster brake is as bad as a crack in the ceiling?? haha
Regarding what Andy says to Ernest T, it is sort of like what Opie says
to Andy in an ep as he walks out of the courthouse, in other words,
hard to understand.
Possum and Spotty, I hope the hurricane passed you by OK.
ASA, very funny story! I bet there were indeed many shades of red!
Asa--did you see the space splashdown? First in about 40 years!
RO--regarding your leaf filters on your gutters, is that the ones I've seen
recently on TV commercials? I am looking to do that too.
Well folks, I guess you have heard about the Bibles being burned in Portland!
I know I keep saying this, but make sure u have 'extra lamp oil' with you. We are living in prophetic times. It is amazing how quickly things are coming to pass.
FRANKIE, BIG MAUDE, SPOT and others, please check in. Thanks,

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115054: Good morning, Porch!

Well, as Barney once said, you couldnt have asked for better weather! A cool and bright morning again. Just flat gorgeous!

MDC - When Opie walks out of the courthouse, he says "Abyssinia", which is "Ill be seein' ya." Andy's reply is "See ya' Somoa" meaning I'll see you some more. I got that from Mayberry info on the internet. But that Ernest T. / Andy exchange is baffling. Cant find anything on it.
I did see a quick blurb about the Bibles in Portland. I wish I could say what I really feel about "mayor" Ted Wheeler and what's happening there. But Floyd would ban me for life!

FRANKIE, MAUDE, SPOTTY,...sorry for shouting, but I had to get the bullhorn from the back of the squad car to make you hear me! Need to hear from you guys!

Ok gang...chores to be done before Aunt Bee snaps her fingers at me..."Have you fed the dogs yet? *snap* Get to it!"
Have a great, safe and wonderful day, everyone!

John Masters

P.S. Our active COVID cases are still dropping, but....our quarantined just went back up by 20 people.

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115055: Oh my MDC, Indeed very red faces.
I just realized both my teacher stories featured teachers with the last name of Olsen. Just coincidence because the English teacher was not married. Maybe they were siblings although he was a lot older it seems. And a lot meaner. He reminds me of Frank Barone in fact.

MDC, I sent Romeena a video I need to send to you and GF. Not sure why I didn't to begin with. I would you also John but I don't have your e-mail and I know you are trying to avoid the news. I don't wanna make you tense. lol

Well off to do some laundry.


August 04, 2020 - Msg 115056: Survived the storm, just lots of rain here. My next door neighbor lost several large tree branches. This storm moved very quickly up the east coast. Sarah

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115057: Good afternoon, porch! Good grief! - Bible burning in Portland. Prophecy coming true, for sure. Why everyone can't see that, I'll never know. Reading the Bible will reveal it, but it's hard to do that when they're being burned. God, please help us! As it says in Revelation 22:20 - "Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"

Asa, I received that email, and forwarded it on to my usual group list. It is powerful, direct and to the point. Anybody that misses the point just isn't paying attention.

I'm glad you like my Daddy stories. He was a character, and much beloved by all. You might like this little anecdote: On one occasion, while he was still building homes, he had a handshake agreement with a local developer, to buy twenty lots from him in the near future. When he called to set up an appointment to make it happen, the developer stammered around and finally confessed that he had sold the entire development to someone else. Daddy just said, "well, I'm sorry to hear that," and ended the conversation. They would run into each other now and then, but the matter was never mentioned. One day, at a zoning meeting, they happened to meet, and the man made his way over to my dad. He said, "Jim, I've been wanting to talk to you, because I have something to tell you that I think will make you happy. About three months ago, I found the Lord and made my commitment to Jesus. Since then, I've been a different man. My conscience has hurt me over the way I let you down on that agreement we had. It was wrong, and I'm sorry. You could have called me a lot of things, and hated me for it, but you have been kind to me ever since." My dad's reply was typical of him. "I don't hate you. When I think of you, I just think of you as a friend who, on just one occasion and for whatever reason, didn't treat me right. I'm so happy to hear your news - now tell me about it!" That's just the way my dad was.

John Masters, about the COVID stats - I have to wonder, just who is being counted in those quarantine numbers? I have a friend who lives in a nursing home, but is still physically active. The patients are all free to come and go within the facility, but if they leave the facility, they are "quarantined" in their room for five days after they return. I wonder if such cases are counted? They're not sick, they're just confined because of possible exposure when they left the building. I'm just wondering who they count, and how reliable the stats are.

Well, guess I'll go get in some lap time with Trinket, before she licks the skin off my ankle. She's in here, making every effort to get my attention. Sweet little old thing. Blessings, friends! --Romeena

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115058: Stop watching the news JM. lol

Ok, I have a family story that we still chuckle over but its kind of gross. Read at your own risk. My dear mom used to have bouts of ulcerative colitis and one day when I had just gotten my learner's permit, I was driving in Corpus Christi. She was in the passenger side and we were just leaving a visit with mom's aunt. All of a sudden my mom points at a service station on the corner and just about screamed, "Pull in there!! Now! Hurry!!"..I obeyed and she jumped out so fast she was a blur, and headed straight for the ladies' room door on the outside of the service station (remember all service stations had bathrooms outside the building on the side). I waited for her for a few minutes and the door flew open and mom made a beeline for the car, looking like she had just robbed a bank. With a look of horror on her face she screamed, "Go!Go!Go!!"! I pulled out of the parking lot wondering what in the world had happened. Once she calmed down she told me that when she bent over to lower her garments (trying to say this gently), there was a kind of fecal explosion that covered nearly every square inch of the little bathroom. Mom cleaned herself up as quickly as she could and sprinted from the bathroom before anyone could discover her dark deed. I have often thought about the poor gas station attendant who made the discovery and wonder if he quit the job on the spot. Alas, I will never know. The End.


August 04, 2020 - Msg 115059: Oh gross,Boo!! Funny,though,well,not to the gas station attendant,I'm sure! LOL

Loving these stories! Asa, yours was too funny! I did post the Pringles story for you, Ro. Did you see it? I have a story along the lines of the one that Boo just told,but really don't know how to tell it here. It involves my school kids and in order to tell it I would have to use the exact words they used and well,it is just too gross! Just forget it- ha! I will be thinking and am sure I can come up with another story soon.
Meanwhile,y'all keep 'em coming! Where is Spotty? We know that ol dawg has some tales to tell!

P.S. No problems here with the storm. We got lucky! Thanks for asking and keep the folks along the NC coast & up North in your thoughts and prayers because it was/is rough up there.

possum u.a.r.

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115060: Okay, I just thought of a story that I can tell and it involves my mama. Mama was the school nurse for the district where I worked-a rural school district and there were 7 schools that she would base herself at on certain days. She happened to be at the school where I worked on this day.

Well,I had a student named Willie who started complaining in class that his back hurt and he was pleading to go see the nurse. He loved my mama and probably just wanted to go see her,but anyway.. I decided to walk him over to the nurse's office. We told Mama that he had a bad backache so she took him outside and told him to bend at the waist and spit on the ground,then draw a circle around it,cover it with a rock then walk away and don't look back.

Willie didn't say a thing,he didn't ask questions,he just did as the nurse told him. When he finished,we looked at him as if to say "Well??"- he said " I think it's better now!",so Mama patted his shoulder and went back to her office and Willie and I went back to class.

Mama was a TAGS fan,so perhaps she drew inspiration that time from the Darlings and their rituals! ;)

possum again

August 04, 2020 - Msg 115061: Boo...Funny Story, As the Son of a gas station owner it was MY JOB to keep those clean!..As my Father had indicated STRONGLY many times over the years!...So Yes, I was that guy...lol And trust me I had some doozies over the years!


August 04, 2020 - Msg 115062: * Dont we discuss some of the craziest things her on the Porch?...I guess that is why we Dig each other...🤷🏼‍♂️

August 05, 2020 - Msg 115063:

OH BOO, you WILL know someday when that attendant
walks up to your mom in Heaven...HA!
Good stories. RO--I look forward to meeting your dad someday!
In relating to the 'handshake agreement' it just don't seem the same to say an 'elbow bump' agreement!' :(
SARAH--glad you checked in and made it thru the storm OK. You too Possum!
BTW RO and ASA, I got both videos, thanks.
During my teaching years I think I saw it all too,
from classroom sick kids to some real drag out fist fights on the playground! Think of me as 'deputy' Jerry Van Dyke
at the carnival! And I didnt even have a badge! ha
I have one story that also deals with 'hand placement,' as did ASA's.
(Asa, you made me remember this!!)
One time after class I was at my desk writing some things down in my lesson plan book and one of my 7th grade female students came up next to the desk to ask a question.
As I was writing I stretched out my arm and said, "wait just a sec."
After finishing writing, I looked toward her, and my hand was 'right there' about as close to one of her you-know-whats' without actually touching the material! (What was barney's line about putting a tissue paper between two people?) Anyway, I quickly pulled my hand away, composed myself and asked, "yes, do you have a question?" (Whew!)
JOHN Master, thanks for that explanation of Andy and Opie's comments. Must be
the actor of the two! Sorry I couldnt help on the other one.
Well, hang in there ya all,

August 05, 2020 - Msg 115064: Good morning all.

I am really enjoying these stories folks. Just love them, and they bring a little humor and joy into a tougher climate we currently live in.
Boo, like GF, I also worked in a Service Station throughout my High School years. Thankfully I never faced such a situation as you described. But it did have it's moments.

Possum, sounds like your Mom knew her stuff. :) Maybe I'll go try that. I wonder if a local rock will work? lol

Romeena, You Dad sounds like he was a very wonderful man. I figured he was. Heck, he raised you. And then you married Dale. And they say women usually end up marrying fellers whu were like there daddy's.

MDC, I can envision you out there trying to stop those fist fights. lol And so glad you didn't make any contact with that student. Could have been trouble.

My story for today is a Dad story. My Dad hated Doctors and hospitals with a passion. He avoided them both as much as he could. So I was very surprised one day when I get a call at work from Debbie who tells me she is on her way to the hospital with my Dad. She told me that he had called her at work and asked her if she could take him up to the E.R. when she had the time. She knew something was terribly wrong for him to do that. He said he had fallen and thought his hip might be broken. She said I'll call an ambulance and be right there, but he would not have any part of that. Besides, the fall had been a week ago and he didn't want to go to the hospital if he didn't need to. So I met them at the hospital and we got him checked in. We were helping him change into his gown and I was horrified to see what I saw. The entire left side of his body, from arm pit down to his knee was one massive bruise. I had never seen anything like it before. Turns out he was on a blood thinner and his blood was all out of control and he was essentially bleeding to death internally. My goodness. I was glad he finally decided to go get it seen too. But the funny part of the story was as we were helping him disrobe, I saw what I initially thought was another bruise. Upon looking closer I saw that with a sharpie he had written on his hip. "wrong hip". I guess he had read enough articles about folks going to the hospital to get treatment and the Doctors had treated the wrong side. lol I still get a chuckle out of that. But I have to admit, it probably was a smart thing to do, although with the bruising he had, probably not required. Turns out it wasn't broken. And they got his blood back in order after a few days and sent him home.

Glad Possum and Sarah survived the weather. I wish Frankie would check in. I hope she is okay.

Well I hope everyone has a great day.


August 05, 2020 - Msg 115065: Good morning, porch! I'm up and at 'em earlier than usual this morning. Trinket's groomer is due around 8:30, so I'm already dressed and ready to meet her and the rest of the day. Usually, I would be getting up about now, or a little later. I stay up very late at night, either writing something, or just enjoying the peace and quiet, watching TV, reading, whatever. I've always been a night owl, and so naturally I worked as a nurse, where I had to be up before dawn made a little crack, and be at work before 7 a.m. Go figure. Also, it didn't help that my last years at the hospital were on the night shift, from 7 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. You can believe me when I say I'm enjoying my freedom to stay up late and then sleep as late as I wish these days. I don't think I'll ever get back on a normal day/night routine.

Possum, I did see the Pringles story, and found it as funny as it was the first time. Thanks for posting it again! I loved the backache story about your mom. Wise woman! Little Willie got the attention he was craving from her, and her little ruse fixed his pain. Smart and understanding lady!

Boo, your story about your mom's predicament was hilarious! I would imagine the comments made by that attendant would have turned the air blue when he discovered the condition of the bathroom. However, it might have been mild compared to the comments made by the next person to walk in there, if the attendant hadn't been there first. Wow. Can you imagine?

Asa, isn't it wonderful that we can anticipate meeting folks in Heaven? The idea of seeing Dale again, and my parents, and my son, just fills me with a warm glow. Then there are all the other people who might be there, even those from history, and of course those from the Bible - just imagine meeting Moses! Then the idea of actually seeing God? I can't wrap my mind around the literal truth of it all, so I'm just trusting in God's Word. I know there are those who think we believers are just deluded, and none of this is true. Well, if they're right, and I'm wrong, I've lost nothing. I've had a happy life, and when I look around me, I realize that Christians are generally the happiest people I know. Then, if I'm right and they're wrong, well, the Bible offers a pretty clear and chilling description of what it will be like for them.

Asa, I loved your story about your dad going to the hospital. He actually wrote "wrong hip" on the uninjured side? That's hilarious! I've met a lot of people who were distrustful, some really fearful of the whole idea, but never anyone who actually wrote on their body to direct the doctors! That's just priceless!

Well, Miss Karen will be here soon to beautify my little furkid, so guess I'd better get off this keyboard. Eddie will be here in a little while, too. These mowing days come around very often these days. Actually, he was here yesterday to do some weeding, and will be picking up ten bags of mulch on his way here today. We're about to get the weeds under control, I think. Miserable things.

Stay home, stay safe, stay well. Blessings, friends! --Romeena

August 05, 2020 - Msg 115066: Good morning, Porch!

Today is just like the last two. Beautiful. Just beuatiful.

Romeena - I'm skeptical of some of the COVID numbers too. I have been for awhile. I know there's a lot of controversy out there, but I believe my little county has things in check. I dont think there's any tomfoolery going on. We had one instance of about 20 cases all showing up at once because there was a big gathering at a learning center and the 20 come right out of that.

Boo - I, uh....I feel really bad that your Mom suffered something like that. Even if no one saw it, it must've been SO humiliating. On the other side, the next person to open that bathroom door....

MDC - Did you fumble and fish for your breath like Barney after your "close" encounter?

Asa and everyone - I guess I have a kinda funny story. Five years ago, my father went in for surgery on 5 aneurysms in his lower torso. One of the things he packed for his hospital stay was the gold robe that went down to almost his knees. I hated it. It's very out of fashion and looks like it's from the early 70's. Anyway, when he got well enough to walk around the hallways and get some exercise, he wore that robe. Somewhere during this, the nurses dubbed him "Hef" as in Hugh Hefner. They loved my dad. They were actually sorry to see him check out.

Romeena speaking of Heaven reminds me of something I said to my wife the other day. I wondered do we go to Heaven and see people like you'd see a celebrity in a restaurant or on the street. So you're standing there in Heaven and all of a sudden..."Is...is that John Wayne?!"

Ok folks...off I go to them chores over yonder. Y'all take care, be safe, be happy and find something fun to do!

John Masters